i'm back. fierce and mean and just a little soft. i really need to call that girl about boxing. i thot i was gonna close this thing out, but i need some advice.
how in the crazy world of carmensandiego do i keep cilantro fresh? everyday i pick at it before it turns into this congealed mass of eckgh. is tupperware seriously necessary? i keep it dry, i put it in the "crisper" (what a stoopid name), what more does it take?! words from the wise much needed here guys.
i got a new theme song. not really new, but it makes me happy. it's blur, song 2. i always remember this story ed told me of 3 kids singing it round&round in a circle at asucla store. love it.
i got my head checked by a jumbo jet
it wasn't easy but nothing is, no
woohoo when I feel heavy metal
woohoo, and i'm pins and i'm needles
woohoo, well i lie and i'm easy
all of the time but i'm never sure why i need you
pleased to meet you
i got my head down when i was young
it's not my problem it's not my problem
when is enuf ENUF? that's what i've been wondering lately. i can't seem to get it straight in my head just exactly when it's healthier to quit and when it's better to hold on just for a lilbitmo. i didn't know it in lala when i "studied" cs for 3 years before finally realizing i wasn't gonna graduate. i didn't know it when don and i were "waiting" for much too long. i didn't know it at my last job when a coworker decided she didn't like me and wanted to make my life hell on earth. i didn't know it when i was living with my parents in a notso healthy environment for a girl of "16" to be as independent as her parents rasied her. mind you, i was actually 23. looking back, everything is 20.20 in hindsight. now i just hope i don't repeat the same mistakes. can i have 20.20 in the future too?
and the other thing is, are there levels of quitting? how far do you go to make yourself safe in a harmful situation? is it running away? or just being safe. is there such a thing as too safe? is it possible to even be safe? or just safe-er. varying degrees of safeness? so many questions, but no answers in 20.20 sight. fortunately i don't feel as i did in lala-like i was in a perpetual fog of some kind.
anyway, it's good to have theme songs. here's mine for the moment:
this love has taken its toll on me
she said goodbye too many times before
her/my heart is breaking in front of me
and i have no choice cuz i won't say goodbye anymore
maroon5, "this love"
this song is so fun and poppy, but it makes a good point. people make their choices. sometimes you have to make your choices based on someone else's choices. sometimes that someone else leaves you with no good choices left. <gracie!>
i've had 2 suggestions for taking up boxing already. i think i should take it seriously! all this planning for the wedding is really crazy. i feel my stomach clench and my heart pierce with physical pain. strangely very much like heartache.
i know most people really look forward to the wedding day. it's marriage that everyone gets hushhush about. my coworkers, for my sake, won't offer their 2cents on their horrifying marriages. but it's exactly the wedding day that i'm *dreading*. esp the whole walking down the ailse part. all those people *staring*?! i've hated that since i was 10. so i better not catch any of you looking at me when i'm walking! haha, i'm such a paranoid freak.
on the other hand, being married to don is what truly excites me. starting our own family (of 2! at least for the next 20 years), making our own decisions, finally being *free* to do what we've dreamed and envisioned. it's my light at the end of the tunnel. four years of waiting and conquering challenges.
these last few months of longdistance-relationshipping, planning the bugger of a wedding, making difficult decisions, paying for said wedding...just more challenges to conquer. i will relish the day when it's over. but in the meantime...perhaps boxing will become my middle name. :)
ps. "married life is *FUN*!" - the lius, special guests last weekend, not to mention emichemi and angiebabe! :) <gracie!>
<12:09 PM> things that make me cry: (other than my parents and the state of the world today) GREEN onions! when did this happen? has something happened to the genetic makeup of the green onions in cali to make them so potent? or is that a reflection of how often i cook? :P <gracie!>
hi everyone! i know this is long past due. sorry for the delay. here goes the update to end all.
i've moved! yup, living on my own. same building, 2 painful flights up. i have a feeling i was too eager to be alone. i've developed this habit of thinking that everything moving in my peripheral vision is an ant that must be squashed! and living with plastic bags and duct tape for windows is not ideal. you pay for what you get. but i’m happy trying this out. I’ve never lived alonealone before.
i'm 25! i don't usually feel any different on birthdays. quite the opposite: it usually takes me about a year to remember that i've turned one year older, and then it's another round of trying to remember how old i am. but for some reason, this year i did feel a little different. i know i'm still young, but now i feel like i finally have the rights to my own person. i am not just my parents' daughter. (tho try convincing them of that.)
i'm thinking of quitting my job that i was so excited about just 5 months ago. it's really draining work. i was telling emichemi about some of the things my clients say to me. looking back, it's kinda humorous. but in the heat of the moment, it's just too much. one lady actually accused me of intentionally forcing her back into her addiction. that threw me for a week. meebe i haven't gotten over it. meebe it's not something to get over. so i'm learning a lot...just meebe not sure what i'm learning. in my 25 yr old mind i'm discovering how much i don't know and how much i just won't understand because of my youth.
i’m engaged! I almost can't believe it. don and I have been dating for 4 years, and now we're finally here! it's SO EXCITING. we're set for 9.18, but there's so much work to do. and you better believe how stressful it can be. I know we'll get thru this, but until then…ogod. I hope I can get thru it in a healthy way.
ok I think that's all I got for now. stay tuned! hopefully I will return speedily. <gracie!>
i'm so sad that i don't have time to go online anymore. this coming from the girl who likes to check email at least every 15 minutes. cuz i'm crazy like that and cuz my yahoo account gets spammed to 7.0/6.0 mb daily. i'm gonna hafta shutdown my yahoo account. i'm bouncin like crazy.
but besides that, i'm severely detached from everyone cuz i haven't been keeping up with everyone's blogs. i didn't even know angiebabe was in hawaii! marisa called me stupid and pointed to the icon that says "destination: hawaii december 2003" that's been up for a year. i felt really bad. sorry everyone! :( <gracie!>
vehicle release fee: $50 (cash only to the opd-those pigs)
towing fee: $88.40
storage fee for 5 days: $147.50
lien fee (what is this anyway?!): $50
price for parking while deliriously sick and bedridden for 2 days while unbeknownst to you, your precious honayhonay is being towed: $365.90 <gracie!>